I am all for finding deeper meaning in life. I believe in a God and I believe that this life is larger than me. I want to understand the world and understand my life.
What I don’t want to do is keep searching for reasons or searching for deeper meaning in things I don’t control. I went through a dark time full of shame that lasted longer than I want to admit and I am over feeling that way.
I want to love myself. My imperfectly perfect self. I am me and I don’t fit the mold. I have character flaws, but in the end that’s who I am and I shouldn’t have to deny and suppress it any longer.
I shouldn’t have to feel shame for living. I shouldn’t have to feel like I am doing something wrong. I should get to feel empowered and like I stand out in a world full of people trying to conform.
God I believe in you, but I don’t believe in a lot that I have been taught.
I should get to feel in control and worthy. I should get to appreciate my hard work and perseverance. It won’t lead into a feeling of entitlement.
I shouldn’t have to beat myself up because of a number on a scale. I shouldn’t have to feel inadequate or like I have to be who people want me to be.
I will learn to trust my judgment. I will learn to accept what I don’t love about myself and my past.
You tell me to live unconditionally loving others. I am going to live unconditionally loving myself.