MANTRA: I use moments in my life that bring me down to fuel the fire to bring me back up. I am deserving of my desires and I choose to tap into my determined energy to get there.

I’m sitting at a Starbucks and feeling extra determined. Maybe because I’m seeing the sunshine for the first time in a few days in snowy Buffalo. I had counseling this morning and I found myself feeling a little bothered by some of the things that came out in the session. Some of it was fears that younger me was experiencing. Some of it was recognizing that I’ve been living from a place of fear again. This comes up sporadically – but it used to be my daily life.  

I decided to get out of my house and drive to Starbucks to work from here. Because I realized that working from home is great and all, but if you don’t get to spend time with people then it feels a little bit wasted.  

Which is not something I feel every day, but definitely something I feel some days where I don’t have much human interaction.  

The human interaction that I really need is often disguised by some of my insecurity.  

It gets shoved aside so that I don’t have to be judged.  

But I kind of felt like a hermit crab breaking out of a shell for a bigger one. Like instead of giving into those thoughts I said “f that. I’m awesome.” 

Determination can really connect you to what tasks you’re doing just to stay busy and what tasks you’re doing from a place of love.  

Because let’s face it – at any given moment I can find 85 tasks to do.  

But I’m starting to try and find pillars of my life that feel good. Like legs of a table.  

Leg 1: Relationships 

Leg 2: Creative endeavors 

Leg 3: Making a living and paying for things 

Leg 4: Physical and mental health 

Leg 5: Connection to self   

I don’t know what kind of table has five legs, but just go with it.

I went from only paying attention to my work to only paying attention to my mental health to only paying attention to my connection to self to feeling to scattered trying to do all of the things and failing at all to finding the legs of this table.  

Trying to make sure scattered energy isn’t the norm anymore = trying to anticipate what will proactively help me + actually living from a space of love, fun and intention. 

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