MANTRA: The more I trust that the universe has my back, the more I can show up as myself and allow good things to come naturally.
I just went for a long walk in nature, spurred by a morning of nerves. I kept trying to think my way to feeling better. I was thinking about an interaction with some guy and finding myself making it mean something about myself.
What I started to realize is that is just shame doing its job.
Shame wanted to tell me that things didn’t work out because of ME. Something I did, something I am, something I did wrong.
And I found this thought that said, “Well maybe it actually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.”
I didn’t believe it at first. Because believing that would give me no control over the situation.
And then I realized that if I could believe that, I could free myself.
We look for control in all the wrong places. We look for it in the way of gripping, clasping, adapting behaviors, manipulating.
True control comes from recognizing that there’s no need to control.
Control often comes from a place of hyper-vigilance and fear. If I can just control this, then I won’t have to worry or make it mean anything about myself. It also can come from those times in life where you feel like you have to resolve something before anyone finds out about it.
After walking in nature and jamming out to the MisterWives, I started to breathe between thoughts, instead of feeling them come in like a pitching machine set on full blast. And that breath allowed me to recognize the shame that was hiding underneath my thoughts that wanted so desperately to control the narrative.
Feeling the shame was actually the power move. Allowing it to be there, but not making it mean anything about me was the key. Which is much easier out in nature than it is sitting on your couch.
The shame I was feeling was from a while ago and was triggered by this situation. And the thing about shame is, it grows when you refuse to talk about it.
Putting something in the closet time and time again only creates a pile up in the dark. At some point, it has to spill out with full force.
Feeling the shame is the powerful thing to do. Take your power back and accept that shame doesn’t actually mean anything about you and that you can just think of it as an emotion that shows up and needs some attention.
Showing up for the emotions is the power move. Finding wisdom in nature instead of overthinking is the way to get out of the power struggle.
What are you trying to control instead of feel? <3