MANTRA: I find moments throughout each day that amaze me. I am in awe of the synchronicities the universe brings on a daily basis.
In this moment, I am truly feeling amazed. This morning, I woke up and didn’t get on my phone right away. I read a chapter of a new fiction book. It is a young adult novel that felt lighthearted and takes place on a beach.
After I read the chapter, I felt refreshed. I knew it was time to check my phone and scroll through my gmail quickly to see if I’d missed anything. I didn’t see anything new or out of the ordinary. I did see an email from Gabby Bernstein about her new podcast episode.
Last year, I was obsessed with Dear Gabby – her podcast that started out as an Instagram Live opportunity. Lately I haven’t been paying as much attention to it because other things have been speaking to me more.
But the email left me a little speechless. She was interviewing someone about Somatic Experiencing. I randomly booked a training for myself last year about Somatic Experiencing, having next to no idea what it was about other than it was a way to help heal trauma and get in touch with your body.
Most of my childhood up until a few years ago, I ignored my body as much as possible. Avoided it by staying in my head. If I constantly work or find problems to solve outside of myself, I don’t have to face what’s going on inside of me. Obviously that was going on in my subconscious.
Some therapy finally got me to acknowledge the disconnect between my body and my mind. When in reality they are connected AF.
So I decided to start listening to this episode. And she immediately started talking about something that happened to me last year. Remembering childhood events and feeling severely disconnected from present day me.
The word amazed almost doesn’t really describe what came up for me. I’m genuinely not sure if there is a word that describes what I felt.
Seen. Heard. Understood.
Last year I was forced to really face some demons I’d avoided for a long time. I was forced to finally talk to my family about what I was dealing with. I was forced to acknowledge that I was not okay and needed help.
Listening to this podcast feels like a full circle moment in my healing. It showed me that I’m not alone and that I can truly trust that life is helping me even on days when I feel like I’m struggling to come up for air.
If you’re on a healing journey, hang in there. You are doing everything you can. Even if the inner critic is telling you that you’re messing up, you’re not doing things quick enough, etc.
You’re exactly where you need to be.